Saw a film today. The protagonist was asked to name the five most important people in her life. And she named four of them with a second thought.
And I started thinking who were the five most important people in my life. Surprisingly, I couldn’t. Forget five, I couldn’t name one.
I am twenty years old with no major problems or incidents in my tenure of life. I have had everything-family, house, food,money,clothes, birthday parties, vacations, and the list continues.
Yes, I have a very bad track record with friends. my closest friends betrayed me at the age of ten. After that, I stopped opening up to people. People think that they know me very well but what they don’t realize that , that they know only what I want them to know. They see the ‘Soumi’ I want them to see.
So today when I asked myself the top five closest people in my life I had no answer. Cause no one knows me. Is this me? Or others face this as well?
Today the sun isn’t the sun,
But just a blazing ball of fire
And the only word my lips can form
Cause you make me a better person.
Cause you are what my dreams are made of.
Cause I am here and you aren’t.
Cause you know that I won’t ask you to.
Cause, Just ’cause.
“I lost, Again”
I uttered these words to my reflection.
“Yeah,Right”, it said back.
And it was all it took for the flashbacks to start.
Maybe it was just me getting up on the wrong side of the bed, tomorrow will be okay.
But who the hell was I kidding.
Both of us knew, that tonight was going be a long night and I would be hung over tomorrow morning.
And then it started, the flashbacks stabbing invisible knives which bleed invisible guilt.
It was then I realized that I have become totally empty from within.
I realized these nightly battles with my demons have robbed me even of my pain and now I feel
For equality to survive, if some succeed, others have to fail and somehow Fate always puts me in the later.
So tonight I will just attain new heights of getting low and get hung over on my failures.
There are those days
when you think that
no matter what, you just can’t
It’s on these days
that some unexpected, utterly small gestures
utterly small gestures,
make us realize
why life is beautiful.
A stranger’s smile,
A friend’s forgiveness
Mom’s letter ,
Papa’s phone call.
your crush’s “hi..”
It’s these gestures which
helps us get through the day.
So you see, I would absolutely love to be with you,but if the day dawns and you decide not to , don’t trouble yourself. You see I have the dream of you and me together. Sitting on a park bench watching the sunset- My dream has the fragrance of the dried autumn leaves mixed with your cologne, the sound of rustling leaves and distant laughter of children in the park, the feel of your palms against mine and silence. I no longer remember your voice, you see…but silence works just fine ’cause we don’t need words.
We keep falling for people we shouldn’t
People who leave us
People who don’t fight for us
People who never call us back after cutting our calls
People who are like bottomless containers.
I know you still love her
One just doesn’t get over a love like that
And I know that you still blame yourself for leaving her
Coz you love her, doofus!
And in between making you realize that you love her
I fell for you
And all I could do was laugh at the irony!
So I every other night I shall try to guard my heart
Not to be ensnared by delusions of getting you
Cause, darling , We aren’t meant to be.
The evening sun was still setting, painting everything in a melancholy light.
She moved to the portio to get the last vestiges of the sunlight ’cause after this there was a long night ahead.
She was sitting on the rocking chair and her cell phone rang. A familiar number. She said,”Hello?”
And they went back through the tunnels of time back to days when there were long walks with the sun setting on the background, children’s laughter from the parks and the sparkle in his eyes on seeing her smile. There weren’t much talking but then who needed words when actions were there to show your feelings.
Suddenly her phone vibrated again, “There?”
Seems calls and meetings are history, words are all that’s left and LOL is the only laughter left.
Every time I decide to end it
I find your name flashing over
My phone’s screen.
Every time I decide that
Enough is enough,
A notification blinks bearing your name.
Every time I turn around
Never to look back again,
You hold my hand and
make me stay.
Why do I have to stay
When you leave.
Tonight I am making a decision
To say goodbye
To secrets and stolen kisses
To warm breakfasts and hand holding
To sunshine and puppies
To us , that will never be.
Don’t hold me back, again.
All those phone calls
Just call one last time to
Tell that they meant nothing
Hope is a dangerous thing
And caring is no longer an advantage
Call again at 3:00
Now that you have become a habit
Show me the way to undo it
Because now phone calls have
Become a jinx; memories a taboo
Help me believe in fairy tales again
You love me
Even though they are just
Because words can work magic
And magic is something I need .